Make it thy business to know thyself,

[Filter: Private]

Jealousy. The feeling of resentment, apprehension, or suspicious fear against another due to that person's advantages or success. The fear or wariness of being supplanted.

Well, the latter is just nonsense. And irrational. Lady Eriena can't supplant me. And what advantage does Lady Eriena have over me? It doesn't seem as if Matthias likes her very much. But I'm hardly a good ju</s>

Completely irrational. I wish I could feel something that makes sense.

The new furniture does look nice. Well, at least it's new. I can tell from the varnish, and the style is quite recent. Perhaps the floors should be the next thing to change. Or the wallpaper.

It does feel a little more welcoming, doesn't it Matthias? I'm not sure why.

[Filter: Private]

It truly is quite fascinating how differently countries across Eire, and even within countries, celebrate the Night of the Dead. Some parts of Eire choose the occasion to remember all the dead have done for us, and the parts that do celebrate with parties wear costumes and masks. Kanemoria plays tricks, Hanalan has customs to ward away the cruel fairies. Megam, curiously enough conducts ceremonies to remember the dead and holds costume parties. I suppose our custom of having the holiday be one of such gravity - well, for most of us - says much about our character as Dentorians.

I am fortunate that the passing of a loved one has been a rarity so far. Still, one cannot help but be affected by the air of melancholy that permeates this country today. Has always been there on the Night of the Dead, and it escaped my notice before?

[Filter: Private]

I suppose decorating the manor would make our occupation of this place more ... permanent.

Matthias has accepted the situation, I think. At least, as much as he is willing to. I suppose I should not expect more than that, but if we make the best of this together, then he will feel better about it, won't he?

I don't know. ... And I really do not have a firm idea on how to best decorate this house.

[Filter: Matthias]

We should do something more with the house, don't you think?

[Filter: Private]

That ... wasn't an utter disaster, was it? I suppose it could have been worse. There's room for improvement next year, no doubt. I will write to Evelyn about it. She will want to know how it all went. I can't help thinking that it would have been much better to have celebrated at the old manor in Aeda. It would not have felt so ... lonely.

How strange. I would not have given that a second thought a year ago. I suppose I am changing, ever so slowly.

[Filter: Matthias]

The Festival wasn't so bad, was it?

[Filter: Private]

This is ... ridiculous. Frustrating. It is as if he does not want to make any effort to improve the situation at all.

I wish I was home. I wish I was at the Academy. Anywhere but here. But I am here, and I have to make the best of it. This is the first Festival I have had to organise myself, and so far ... I don't know how Mother does it. I don't know how anyone does. There's the food, the furnishings, the gifts ... I sincerely hope the Festival itself proves to be more enjoyable than the days before it.

[Filter: Matthias]

You are going to stay home for most of the Festival, aren't you?

[Filter: Prince Ian Agi]

I know this is quite some time after the event, but well ... I'm assuming that you are fine, since I have not read anything that claims otherwise. That must have been quite frightening.

[Filter: Private]

... I do wish that he could stop ... sulking. He's so difficult when he's like that. It's making this journey uncomfortable. I don't understand why he insits on acting this way. There is little we can do to change our circumstances now, and we can hardly turn back. Where will we go?

I'm glad I brought my books. It'll make things more bearable while we're in the carriage.

[Filter: Matthias]

Well, I have er, given this situation a lot of thought and ... we don't have a great number of choices. I could ask Father for the money, but I'm not sure how you'll feel about that. Neither you or I have any assets of our own, and well, is Uncle Franz just refusing to send us the gold for this manor, or is he refusing to give us money to purchase a home for ourselves ...?

Perhaps if I wrote to your father ...? Oh, that doesn't sound like a good idea either ...

[Filter: Private]

I am ... very concerned, I have to admit. How are we supposed to find a home if we don't have the money for it? Matthias almost seemed to have his heart set on that manor. And I think I did too. The rooms were nice and it was close to home. What are we supposed to do? I can't think of anything else other than writing to Uncle Franz again. Well, I could ask Father, but ... it doesn't seem right.

I really did like that manor.

[Filter: Private]

I'm glad he liked it. ... No, I'm relieved. If we had to move anywhere, I'm happy that it is close to home. At least if I have any trouble, Evelyn will help me, or Mother. I won't be lost. It could only be better if there was a library nearby, but my book collection will do. I hope there is space for them in the study ...

We just need the money, but that is only a matter of time.

[Filter: Matthias]

Ah, Matthias. Alaine just visited, and she told me to tell you this because she thought we, well, you would be interested. I'm not sure if you've heard, but one of the richest merchants in the South passed away a week ago. His name is Sir Leary, and many of the merchant ships based around Aeda waters are his. He didn't have any family, no heirs at all, which does sound strange. I suppose they may have predeceased him ... Well, the point is, his manor presently has no occupants.

[Filter: Private]

It was only a small gesture, and I admit it was not really my idea, but Matthias seemed to enjoy it. As did I. It was ... pleasant to have that time to spend together. I admit I would like to know what the future holds. Uncertainty unsettles me, but I suppose now is the time to fully appreciate the house of my childhood, and all the little things I never really noticed about Aeda. It truly is quite beautiful ...

[Filter: Private]

Matthias is right. It doesn't feel as if much has changed, except that I'm now his wife. I admit I am a little glad that has been the case. I'm not sure how I would have managed so many changes coming all at once.

I suppose he'll want to move as far away from his family as possible. And he hasn't mentioned Keirnan yet. Perhaps he's forgotten about it. Or perhaps Lady Eriena

[Filter: Public]

It's a very nice day today. Everyone seems to still be in high spirits after Father's birthday celebrations. And the harbour is quite beautiful at this time of year. I think I missed it, while I was at the Academy.

Er, Matthias, would you ... like to take a walk with me? The weather is quite pleasant now, after all.

[Filter: Private]

Children ... I admit, I hadn't thought about children, not until Matthias mentioned them. It is much too soon to think about children now, isn't it? We have not even settled into a routine. Does Matthias want children ...? Oh, what a foolish question. And I do like children, they are quite fascinating, but I cannot quite see myself as a mother just yet. I suppose I will have to. Another thing I will have to learn.

[Filter: Private]

He is right. I really do need to learn and understand people. I suppose I've put it aside for too long. But people are so complex, is there truly anyone alive who comprehends the mysteries of the human mind?

If it will make Matthias happier, I will have to learn.

[Filter: Private]

I never thought it was possible to feel so ... tired, and nervous, and worried over a wedding. All the ones I've attended were quite pleasant affairs, and the bride never fails to appear anything but delighted on the day, but perhaps it was actually relief that she never has to endure another?

Perhaps it will be useful to conduct a survey. Yes.

[Filter: Married Women]

I apologise for intruding on your time, but there is a question I have where it would be useful if I had a variety of answers. Or perhaps a consensus. I'm to be married soon, and I would like to know how you felt on your wedding day, or the days before.

[Filter: Private]

I did not think there would be so much debate over food. After so many questions about the dress ... and the measurements and the poking and pricking. Mother and Evelyn are so excited about the wedding, and I am trying, but I feel so tired. I just don't know anything about organising weddings. It would be nice just to be married.

[Filter: Matthias]

Where are you?

[Filter: Private]

I had forgotten that it was my birthday yesterday, and I suppose it may have gone unnoticed if I weren't at home. It has been some time since I last celebrated my birthday at home. Everyone seemed quite happy at the party.

It was nice. I'm glad everyone enjoyed themselves.

[Filter: Private]

I didn't think organising for a wedding would be quite this difficult. The logistics of it is quite complicated, and even more so by the size of our families. It doesn't seem to bother Mother at all. In fact, I'd say that she seems to live for this sort of thing. She is very esperienced at this. To think that I will have to be when my children are to be married ...

Ah, that is thinking quite too far into the future.